How to Not Look Like Douche when You Do Your Makeup

Girls this one is for you. Now I know that we are living in the 21st century where it is ok to be bold and progressive, but some of these things I have to say are just a bit too far. I have accumulated a list of 5 makeup trends that are horrific and if you don’t want to look like a straight up Basic Douche Bag Beeosh do NOT do them!

  1. What is this whole glitter trend?! I won’t lie, I do like a bit of glitter here and there, but in reality what the actual fridge do girls think that they are doing? First, it was glitter nail polish #thumbsup and then it was glitter eyeshadow #thumbsup. Then one magical day someone was like “OMG, GUUUUUUUUURL you know what we need to do?!?!?! PUT IT IN OUR HAIR!!!” *both girls squeel*. At first, it was ok, but then someone just took it too far…. observe.

    Ohkay lets just tone it down mmmmkkkaayyy. You look like a bird pooped on your head.
  2. After the glitter hair, one brilliant female decided that we not only need to prove to people that we have the right to not shave our armpits and not be ashamed (fine whatever do what you want), but that we needed to make more of a stand by not only being able to leave our hair there, but also put what ever we want in our pits. Glitter though I mean really?!
    Why not put something useful like, oh I don’t know, deotorant. That just looks uncomfortable.

    Plus it also makes you look like you are trying too hard NGL

  3. Makeup is great, isn’t it? When you put it on and you can cover blemishes, look like Marylin Munroe <3, change your face and look like someone totally different!!  You can finally feel pretty…. wait what?! Girls spend so much money on makeup to accomplish what? Look like 90% of the rest of the girls on social media? I love makeup, don’t get me wrong, but I think that this whole contour faze has just taken on a bit too much of a life of its own.
    I shall call her “Deer in the Headlights Umbrella Mushroom Face”
    Ok sure she looks beautiful, but really… is this really necessary?? No. The answer is that noone needs to look like a skinned skeleton at a science center to look “pretty”.
    Girl, you look like a puzzle…. and I just can’t figure you out
    To be honest it is getting a bit clownish… Ha. Ha. Ha.

    ..And don’t even get me started on ear contouring *cough* thanks Kylie *ends cough*

  4. Now, what contour is complete without a highlight, am I right? Again… moderation people… highlight the nose, the bridge of the nose, the cheek bones… the forehead, the under eyebrow… the side of the nose.. the cupids bow.. the lips… the chin.. *gasps for air as she drowns in highlighting powder*

    They be walking around like they want to be a human glow stick!!
  5. Fifth and finally, no look is complete without the fancy done eyebrows, but I just saw this crazy new trend that they call “Squiggle Eyebrows”. I’m sorry but actually WHAT THE FRACTIONS?! I… They… But… Human Dignity.. We.. *moves mouth but no words come out* Really What is happening to the world. I thought the crazy box eyebrows were bad, or the ones on the girl I saw at Starbucks that, I KID YOU NOT, were drawn into her temples…. But this?! As my good man @iamzoie says “walkin around with sperm on your eyebrows”. Let’s just tone it down a bit mmmmkayyy?! 

I appreciate the steps that one takes to look good (beauty hurts), but I think we can just come together and let them all float into the wind to get lost in the oblivion of don’t come back ever? Agreed?

 

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A Little Bit of a Pep Talk

While sitting and waiting for programs on my laptop to transfer over to my EXT hard drive because my Macbook Air is just too slow to work properly, I am forced to think. I am trying to edit my very first video for my new and first ever youtube channel, but as I go through the clips I see that they do not look very good. “That’s ok”, I tell myself, “it is your first video it won’t be perfect, you will only get better.” And I get it, but I can’t help but feel a little pouty as I listen to some s; I feel like I look like a boring dying dead thing in the videos. It is also really super futuristic bass music. I guess it’s also scary, because I have had the tendency all my life to start things and quit them they get hard. However, I really don’t want to do that here; I really want to make videos. I really enjoy it I just have to get in my groove, right… that’s to be expected. Maybe I need something to push me, drive me to success; a purpose, a goal!

I decided that I want to get better at cooking, so I have made the decision to study more gourmet. I found the cookbook “Mastering the Art of French Cooking“, the one Julia Childs wrote alongside her 2 friends and the one that Julia Powel vowed to complete in one year. As I meander through that and other gourmet recipes I will be logging my progress on video for the world to see. Fun, yes it will be once I figure out how to not look bad in all my videos and make them look somewhat presentable. My goal is to make videos every Wednesday and Sunday. Comedy and life videos on Wednesday and Cooking Videos on Sunday. Would that be my long term goal? Yes, I think it would. If it is to

My goal is to make videos every Wednesday and Sunday. Comedy and life videos on Wednesday and Cooking Videos on Sunday. Would that be my long term goal? Yes, I think it would. If it is to consistently make videos on Wednesday and Sunday then OK that is my long term goal. Short term goal is to…..hmmm.. smile more in my videos. Good, ya? Ok, that will be my short term goal. Decided.

Well this has been a bit of a downer blog opening, but I hereby vow to continue to make videos for 3 months (at least), continuously try to get better at creating, editing, and producing. I will come up with ideas and do them as soon as I can and stick to my goals! I can do this!!